yes i know
i've made a mistake
it's never gonna be the same again
as for you
it's over
im tired of hurting,
with every tear every fear
i lose a piece of myself
wanting to be with you
wanting to be near you
goes day by day
as i take this blade
and carve my skin
releasing my pain forever
as i slip away from life
and fall into darkness
i realize im already dead
a broken soul reborn
into nothing at all
yesterday was the past
today is the last
tomorrow doesn't exist
releasing my pain forever
as i take this blade and carve my skin
releasing my forever pain of myself
as i slip away from life
and fall into darkness
i realize im already dead
im already dead!
27 June 2009
11 June 2009
Billy and Bonnie's Sestina
this is my attempt at a sestine. i know some things seem repetitive but i actually did the last stanza first. ...it's actually a quote from the book The Candlestone by Bryan Davis. That's where the title comes from. Billy and Bonnie don't really have anything to do with the poem but i couldn't think of a title.
I can see nothing past the red
Screen before my eyes. No longer black and white
But scarlet and black. A crimson darkness
Never to be pierced by the light.
It’s hard to have faith
In something that’s nowhere in sight.
Tears have dimmed my sight.
It’s hard to believe my emotions can’t be read
On my heart. Like a white
Sheet of paper, clean and untouched by darkness,
I want to be brought into the light
But I don’t know where to put my faith.
I no longer have faith
That spring is in sight
A burning red
Flame consumes my heart as I stare at a sheet of white.
As I watch the darkness
Settle, I long for daylight.
My eyes ache for light.
How can I have faith
When I no longer have any sight?
How can I hide these crimson red
Stains when I possess nothing pure white
To cover up my darkness?
Where can I hide from darkness
In my own soul? Is there no light
That can pierce my faithless
Heart and help me regain my sight?
Can no one take this blood red heart and make it white?
I know you can make me whiter
Than the bitter cold darkness
I live in. you are the light
That can return faith
To those who have lost their sight
Of your blood flowing red.
Red will be made white.
Darkness will be made light.
Faith will be made sight.
I can see nothing past the red
Screen before my eyes. No longer black and white
But scarlet and black. A crimson darkness
Never to be pierced by the light.
It’s hard to have faith
In something that’s nowhere in sight.
Tears have dimmed my sight.
It’s hard to believe my emotions can’t be read
On my heart. Like a white
Sheet of paper, clean and untouched by darkness,
I want to be brought into the light
But I don’t know where to put my faith.
I no longer have faith
That spring is in sight
A burning red
Flame consumes my heart as I stare at a sheet of white.
As I watch the darkness
Settle, I long for daylight.
My eyes ache for light.
How can I have faith
When I no longer have any sight?
How can I hide these crimson red
Stains when I possess nothing pure white
To cover up my darkness?
Where can I hide from darkness
In my own soul? Is there no light
That can pierce my faithless
Heart and help me regain my sight?
Can no one take this blood red heart and make it white?
I know you can make me whiter
Than the bitter cold darkness
I live in. you are the light
That can return faith
To those who have lost their sight
Of your blood flowing red.
Red will be made white.
Darkness will be made light.
Faith will be made sight.
Remembering
A shining blade, sharper than any other, driven into my soul.
Where can I go to escape the pain?
Everywhere I turn I find it.
It digs deeper and deeper into my gut.
My whole body aches in agony.
Tears fill my eyes for the rest I have lost.
I long for the days of love,
When all were together and nothing could separate us.
Our lives were like the earth:
Firm, solid, unbreakable.
But slowly a crack forms,
Each day growing – until now.
Now the crack burst open wide.
My world is shaken by the impact.
A gap has formed between us,
And now we must each go on alone,
Living with the agonizing love and the hopeful sorrow…
…Of memories.
Where can I go to escape the pain?
Everywhere I turn I find it.
It digs deeper and deeper into my gut.
My whole body aches in agony.
Tears fill my eyes for the rest I have lost.
I long for the days of love,
When all were together and nothing could separate us.
Our lives were like the earth:
Firm, solid, unbreakable.
But slowly a crack forms,
Each day growing – until now.
Now the crack burst open wide.
My world is shaken by the impact.
A gap has formed between us,
And now we must each go on alone,
Living with the agonizing love and the hopeful sorrow…
…Of memories.
05 June 2009
Class Quotes
"I didn't know eggplants could be so sexy." - Mrs. H
"And they are coming in uniform -- but without their hats on" -Mrs. McKeever (on the day we were discussing whether or not Sapphira Adi's Cinderella had a dress on!)
"Okay, so this book is on crack." - Jude Magdenburg, then Mrs. H.
"He is very zen." - Mrs. H.
"I lost the Jamaican summer night with the 'swishy swish.'" - Mrs. H, about Dancing Flame's haiku sequence.
"Do you speak languages?" - Elle
"My hands are sticky." - Emoesque
"No penguins allowed." - Mrs. H
"Gimme some Pop Rocks!" - CJRockstar
"Cha ching." [check marks for meter on the board]
"METER FAIL!"
"Grammar is a vehicle for meaning." - Mrs. H
New Hope
Epic Fail!
"My mom told me after my birthday party: 'Your friends are all so pretty, why don't you take tips from them?'" - Elle
"I guess I wasn't at that party!" - Dancing Flame
"Make it more sensory, so you can see it." - Mrs. H.
"Well, it doesn't matter, 'cause she's blind anyway." - Dancing Flame
"You've got one leg, Ashley." - James Bond
"...novel writers." - Mrs. H
"You mean novelists?" - Elle
"And they are coming in uniform -- but without their hats on" -Mrs. McKeever (on the day we were discussing whether or not Sapphira Adi's Cinderella had a dress on!)
"Okay, so this book is on crack." - Jude Magdenburg, then Mrs. H.
"He is very zen." - Mrs. H.
"I lost the Jamaican summer night with the 'swishy swish.'" - Mrs. H, about Dancing Flame's haiku sequence.
"Do you speak languages?" - Elle
"My hands are sticky." - Emoesque
"No penguins allowed." - Mrs. H
"Gimme some Pop Rocks!" - CJRockstar
"Cha ching." [check marks for meter on the board]
"METER FAIL!"
"Grammar is a vehicle for meaning." - Mrs. H
New Hope
Epic Fail!
"My mom told me after my birthday party: 'Your friends are all so pretty, why don't you take tips from them?'" - Elle
"I guess I wasn't at that party!" - Dancing Flame
"Make it more sensory, so you can see it." - Mrs. H.
"Well, it doesn't matter, 'cause she's blind anyway." - Dancing Flame
"You've got one leg, Ashley." - James Bond
"...novel writers." - Mrs. H
"You mean novelists?" - Elle
03 June 2009
Dripping Lies.
Hey guys, I just wrote this and wanted to get it up here before you guys all forget about the blog. I know this isn't my best work, nor is it very characteristic of my writing. I'd appreciate any comments/critique.
I'm sorry.
But i hate you.
That was the worst
Of all betrayals.
You asked me for my frail glass
Heart.
Just to smash it
With my hammer.
At your request I gave up
One-time celebrations.
In order to support you
Moving on.
But you quickly filled my place
With other people.
They will leave you soon enough;
They don't care
What pain you've been through.
You're the Judas
Of our story. So, please
Just finish the job.
Was all that silver
Worth it?
Was it worth more than my
Heart?
I'll be gluing back
These thousand pieces of my heart--
Thanks to you.
I once hoped that you'd be happy; now i hope you never
Rest. Don't rest.
For i've never been real bitter,
save for now;
save towards you.
I'm sorry.
But i hate you.
That was the worst
Of all betrayals.
You asked me for my frail glass
Heart.
Just to smash it
With my hammer.
At your request I gave up
One-time celebrations.
In order to support you
Moving on.
But you quickly filled my place
With other people.
They will leave you soon enough;
They don't care
What pain you've been through.
You're the Judas
Of our story. So, please
Just finish the job.
Was all that silver
Worth it?
Was it worth more than my
Heart?
I'll be gluing back
These thousand pieces of my heart--
Thanks to you.
I once hoped that you'd be happy; now i hope you never
Rest. Don't rest.
For i've never been real bitter,
save for now;
save towards you.
02 June 2009
otto
so my orignial story got deleted and my mom and dad didnt my new one so i just wrote about my horse...
If anything has changed my life it would be meeting Otto. Otto is my 15 year old 16’3” thoroughbred gelding. When my family first bought him I absolutely hated him, I thought he was a spoiled rotten brat. He was a retired advanced level event horse. He short listed for the Pan American games, qualified for Rolex, and would have gone to the Olympics if he had not suffered from a career ending injury. He was ranked in the top ten event horses in the USA and was ridden by Buck Davidson. Once retired he still held his star status so everywhere we went my mom and I were known as the un-worthy people who got to own Otto.
Even though Otto had “done it all” he was no walk in the park to ride. I could not ride him for the first three months we owned him and even after that I would constantly have to get off before he would decide it was time for me to get off. He did not want anything to do with being ridden by an 11 year old girl who could barley stay on his back and he frequently put in his two cents. I thought my life was hard the first few months of owning him but I did not understand that a magnifying glass would be put over my family for years to come. At about four months Otto and I began to develop our current relationship status. We took lessons and our tolerance for each other began to grow. We bonded through jumping, the higher we went the more we understood each other. Otto would jump almost anything, except for small jumps. Otto is like a human he feels that certain things are beneath him and little jumps are defiantly classified as beneath him. Most people I have met since owning him think I cannot ride and I just have a horse that will do anything I ask, and that is defiantly not the case. Otto and I have a weird thing going on, he is like my brother, we fight and we make up, I love him with all my heart but sometimes he annoys the heck out of me. He knows how to get what he wants and if he doesn’t get a treat or something that grabs his attention, he will kick, bite and hold up his leg until he gets it. He is the reason my mom and I are so close; we both love him so much that it keeps us together and peaceful. I talk to him and he listens, sometimes he even whinnies back. He is my best buddy and a great gift from God; every day I just have to remind myself that he is only mine temporarily and God will want him back one day. Every day with Otto is a precious blessing from God.
If anything has changed my life it would be meeting Otto. Otto is my 15 year old 16’3” thoroughbred gelding. When my family first bought him I absolutely hated him, I thought he was a spoiled rotten brat. He was a retired advanced level event horse. He short listed for the Pan American games, qualified for Rolex, and would have gone to the Olympics if he had not suffered from a career ending injury. He was ranked in the top ten event horses in the USA and was ridden by Buck Davidson. Once retired he still held his star status so everywhere we went my mom and I were known as the un-worthy people who got to own Otto.
Even though Otto had “done it all” he was no walk in the park to ride. I could not ride him for the first three months we owned him and even after that I would constantly have to get off before he would decide it was time for me to get off. He did not want anything to do with being ridden by an 11 year old girl who could barley stay on his back and he frequently put in his two cents. I thought my life was hard the first few months of owning him but I did not understand that a magnifying glass would be put over my family for years to come. At about four months Otto and I began to develop our current relationship status. We took lessons and our tolerance for each other began to grow. We bonded through jumping, the higher we went the more we understood each other. Otto would jump almost anything, except for small jumps. Otto is like a human he feels that certain things are beneath him and little jumps are defiantly classified as beneath him. Most people I have met since owning him think I cannot ride and I just have a horse that will do anything I ask, and that is defiantly not the case. Otto and I have a weird thing going on, he is like my brother, we fight and we make up, I love him with all my heart but sometimes he annoys the heck out of me. He knows how to get what he wants and if he doesn’t get a treat or something that grabs his attention, he will kick, bite and hold up his leg until he gets it. He is the reason my mom and I are so close; we both love him so much that it keeps us together and peaceful. I talk to him and he listens, sometimes he even whinnies back. He is my best buddy and a great gift from God; every day I just have to remind myself that he is only mine temporarily and God will want him back one day. Every day with Otto is a precious blessing from God.
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