Letters

Stop texting me. Stop calling me. Stop saying hi to me every time you see me. You will never understand how I feel. Why did you do that to me? Why did you use me? It's even worse that you told me that you know you were gonna do this. You knew and you still did all that stuff that night. Why did you lie to me? Why did you tell me you loved me? "Because if I heard myself say it, I thought maybe I would start to feel it." Do you remember saying that? No, no I bet you don't remember. Because you're the good guy. Because I am completely at fault here. Because I was too attached. Because I didn't do anything well enough to meet your standards. I bet you remember that. I bet you remember that because that's what you told everybody. That's what everybody believes. All because I wouldn't comment on the whole situation. All because I was too busy letting you stomp my heart into 16 million pieces. You said it was for the best.
Love is not a game anymore.
You don't deserve anything from me.
There is nothing else for me to give you.
You took it all.
You took everything.


Dear Sammers,
You are my best friend. I have never said that to you. I guess it's kinda just understood. We have the strongest relationship I've ever had with someone. Even though we see each other like once every 3 months, talking every day with you has brought us closer than I ever thought it would. Do you remember the day we met? You stepped on me. And like a week later? You dropped me. YOU DROPPED ME! I don't think we will ever get over that. That was hilarious. When I look back and think about all the summers I couldn't have survived without you, all I have to say to you is thanks. You got me through how many auditions, dress rehersals, shows and after parties. I would have done it, because I had to. But you made me do it all because I knew that every day when I got to the theatre, you would be there. That audition. The one where I was so prepared, and when I got called back I lost faith entirely. You sat with me on the sidewalk, you held my hand and let me cry. You knew why that had happened, I didn't even have to tell you. I would have quit. I would have went right back in to Denise and said that I was done, got my papers and left. But you wouldn't let me. Thank you, babe. Everything would have ended there. You pushed me. Keep pushing me. I love you.


Dear World,
Thanks. Thanks for throwing me right in. Thanks for showing me at such a young age just how cruel you can be. Thanks for taking everbody I love. They weren't yours, you know; you have some kind of nerve, taking all I want. Thanks for showing me the concept of success. Thanks for shoving it right back in my face that everything you showed me is everything I can never be. Thanks for screaming at me from every magazine rack, telling me that I'm not good enough. Thanks for telling me that there are so many people who have it worse than I do. Thanks forconstantly reminding me not to pity myself, because there are people out there who are starving in Africa, and people with terminal illnesses who may not wake up tomorrow morning to watch the sunrise. Thanks for putting me in the mom position. Thanks for putting your faith in me and trusting me with a job that crucial to the lives of others. But most of all, thanks for not tossing them into this unforgiving current. Thank you for putting me through all this so that they don't have to experience anything I had to.